What if We Asked More Questions!
An effective way to faster results.
I’m mentoring a change analyst. She is bright, sharp and has a lot to offer. She’s also shy. I was the same way many years ago. (My sister would disagree! 😉)
I’d want to say something of value in meetings but wasn’t sure of myself. My boss would encourage me, “If you sense it, say it!”
I began to be a little more open. Sometimes my comments landed , sometimes they didn’t. I can’t always be right.
There are times though, when the response comes back quick as a flash, with an edge and I’m left stammering (at least internally).
Did I say something wrong? Did I miss the point? Was I not listening?
But then … I noticed something that really caught my attention.
My antagonist would later say what I had just said.
😳 Whaaat tha F**K?
I reflected on those situations. Maybe you’ve had them too.
You voice an idea, it gets shot down … only to be put forward by someone else. And others applaud, well, maybe not applaud!
I look around the room to see if anyone has caught on. One or two might give me a wink.
In one of those moments, I learnt a lesson that has served me well.
When I have a thought to offer, rephrase it as a question.
When I first started doing this, I was shocked at its effectiveness.
Conversations opened up. New information came to light. Others in the meeting questioned an antagonist’s point of view.
What had happened?
Before 😞
Me: “I think the team will need some training.” Which seems like an obvious solution.
Antagonist: “The team will be fine.”
After 😉
Me: “Will the team need any support?”
Antagonist: “They’ll need some training.”
Why it Works
Asking questions defrays any threat others may feel - which is why they react.
It puts them in the driver’s seat of the conversation.
It generally doesn’t matter how they respond. You will have your answer. Which you can ask further questions on if you like.
Those who talk a lot dominate a conversation. But … the person who asks questions controls it.
I began doing this frequently. So frequently, someone picked up on it.
“Do you ever have an original thought?” I was asked.
Maybe it was a barb, a shot at me. I didn’t care. I’m looking for the best solutions to the problem.
Once you ignore who gets the credit, the world of solutions and progress opens up.
(But yes, I do have original thoughts, offering them at times the group seems bereft of ideas. 😉 Check out my upcoming article on “Two Buckets”)
Questions Bring People “In”
I’ve been in situations where people throw in ideas like there is a time limit or they have to prove their worth.
I’ve been fortunate enough to observe groups when this happens and you can literally see the group shut down. Which only encourages the talker to … keep talking.
Imagine a blooming flower as the sun sets. That what groups look like when it’s all talk and no questions.
I was, and still can be, the same. I’m 61, trust me, I have a BUNCH of great ideas! Just ask me! 😂
Why It’s a Faster Way to Results
It can start slowly. People may be reluctant to speak.
But when we ask questions, and allow people time to think, they will develop their answer. Once they do, the flood gates will open. Great responses, solutions, and ideas will come pouring out. You won’t know what to do with them all.
People begin to trust you.
And it’s not just asking questions, it’s who is asking the questions.
I’ve been in situations where my efforts have been as dry as a desert. My colleague takes the next session and voila!
How can one person get so much from a group or colleague, yet when I spoke - silence?
Trust!
People will open up when they know and trust the person. They will close down if they don’t.
Key Tip:
If the questioner is genuinely open to responses, responses will come.
If the questioner is only asking questions to eventually give their own ideas, people will shut down. (Or they’ll give answers as part of the process, knowing what’s coming.)
That was me, I couldn’t wait to tell people how much I knew!
It doesn't work!
Back to the Future Mentoring
I mentioned my sharp, clever but shy, mentee at the beginning. She works with high level stakeholders who are full of opinions, strong opinions! Her role is to help them see things differently. She is in “change” after all.
Asking questions has become her superpower. She knows her role, asking questions puts her in the influencer role, rather than the expert role, which she is not and doesn’t pretend to be.
But she is beginning to control conversations. Not in a control-freak way. Simply is a “path to a solution” way.
She doesn’t have to know everything - just to ask the right questions.
As I go to the office today, this post reminds me of the same. I’m not fully inoculated to telling people what I think.
I still have to work on asking questions.
I hope you found this helpful.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments.