8. Why Worry? Epictetus's "Trichotomy" and Justin Langer

When to worry ... and when not to!

Hello!

Thanks for opening the email. I hope it provides you some value and, possibly, today, a way to decide what to worry about. If you know someone who over thinks things and worries unnecessarily, feel free to forward it to them as well. 🙌

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I was at a function a few years ago with my son. We were listening to Justin Langer (JL) around when he was appointed Australia’s next cricket coach. He was talking about his time in cricket in general. (He’s no longer the Australian Cricket coach, after he took the team to the top in most facets of the game.)

JL recounted a story about his Grandmother, who he worshipped. Apparently, whenever Justin would complain about a situation, she would ask:

“Is there anything you can do about this thing?”

JL: “Not really”

GM: “Then why worry?”

or:

“Is there anything you can do about this thing?”

JL: “Well, yeah, I could …”

GM: “Then why worry?”

JL had nowhere to turn in the face of this logic.

When we’re worrying about a situation, we tend to overthink things and get stressed. We hold conversations in our head and relive situations over and over. When we decide to be more proactive about what we concern ourselves with, we take control of the emotions we feel in difficult situations. It also leads us to take action.

Like JL’s Grandmother, Epictetus had his own version of when to be concerned or not, and where to focus our concern.

The “Trichotomy”, below, was developed by William B.Irvine who I mentioned in this post, and may help us find peace of mind when the waves of anxiety come crashing down on us.

We need to recognise what we have control over.

• Complete control

• No control at all and,

• Where we have some, but not all, control.

Irvine uses the example of a tennis match. My example is of influencing people in the process of organisational change.

I can’t control how people feel about a change in their work situation. Though I may be able to influence it. Often, stress comes about through worrying what others might think and respond to initiatives. Perhaps they react in a certain way I wasn’t expecting, and I think I have made an error. But there are many possibilities, many of which may have nothing to do with us, as to why they have reacted they way they have:

• They had an argument with their spouse.

• They are in financial stress.

• They simply don’t like their job.

• [fill in the blank]

“Do all you can, with what you have, where you are.”

I cannot control how people feel, and neither can you. We can only focus on doing what we can to make our actions as painless as possible … while still meeting our goals. Change is not linear. While I may develop something people accept, the next thing I implement may not be accepted. I can look at my actions and my intent but I cannot worry about others’ responses. I’d go around in circles and get nothing done … and miss a deadline or two.

This applies to our own development. What are we trying to change/improve? Are we working on the things we can control? Or relying too much on others doing their part?

If we worry about things we can’t control, or have less than complete control, fear may stall our progress. Again, what can we control?

Tim Ferriss talks about “fear setting” which fits in well here. His explanation below is worth a watch and, as I have done, a regularly review to help keep perspective.

Let’s Play a Game

What worries you? Should it? Is it within your control? What do you do now you know this information or have been reminded of this.

Write down what is worrying you. Maybe look at your weekly calendar for next week and see what’s on there to get ideas. If the calendar is blank, is that something to worry about?

As you write the items down, write next to them, as clearly as you can, what specifically, you are worried about. When you’ve done that, rate each item from 1 to 10, with 1 being why did I even write this down to 10 being, “Holy shit! Why have I not dealt with this already?”

I think (hope) you will find most are under 5! And once you’ve done that exercise, pick three and write the first step you will take to deal with the item and by when!

Summary!

I am a chronic over-thinker! Reading and reviewing this topic helps me worry less. I have a big week coming up in the project so this will be very helpful to me.

Leave a comment as to how you cope with dealing with stress.

Then again, maybe this isn’t you!

Maybe overthinking and worrying isn’t an issue for you.

Have you always been that way or did you learn to overcome it? How did you do that?

If you’ve never been an over thinker, have you helped others? What advice have you given that has worked.

Keen to hear your thoughts.

A couple of quotes to end with.

“Don’t believe everything you think!”

“What other people think of you isn't any of your business!”