Helpful Feedback Still Stings.
Following on from my post about Critiques vs Critics, I asked how a staff member might provide feedback to the critic, even if that is their boss.
It’s not easy. Some might call it a CLM (Career Limiting Move).
Oh, I know managers say they want like feedback. But that is just like my experience with staff who say things like, “Just tell it to me straight, don’t beat around the bush!” are just the staff who “can’t handle the truth”.
Managers certainly want feedback: about how well they are doing, how they are “firm but fair”, and anything else that is agreeable with their internal persona.
But it does go both ways, and this is where even helpful feedback still stings!
We are all human. We want to be liked, affirmed, validated.
When we do our best to deliver a great product, presentation or outcome, and we are told it isn’t quite up to standard, sure, it stings.
This isn’t a bad manager bullying you or calling you out or trying to harm you in some way. This is a manager wanting you to grow, be better and help you with your goals to deliver great work.
Accept the sting, mull over it, capture the truths from it, then add it to your swag of skills and experiences. Appreciate a manager who offers a critique. It may not have been easy for them to do for fear of conflict and acrimony. But they had the courage to step up to the line and deliver information they felt would help you.
Getting Back on the Horse
I helped a colleague out at a place where they work with children with disabilities using horses. Each child rides the horse and is given instruction and exercises to help with muscular development. My role was to walk beside them and catch them if they fall or support them if they got off balance.
On one occasion, the horse stumbled on a rock, fell forward and as it did, the boy flew down the horse’s neck and onto the ground. It was so fast I had no time to grab anything to help.
The horse regained its balance. The boy, in tears, surprisingly less than I’d anticipated, got up with the help of his dad. I assumed the lesson was over, even though we had just started.
Not so.
The term “get back on the horse” was literal. The boy was back on the horse, tentative but back up. And we continued the lesson to its end, as though the event had never happened.
Helpful feedback can be like being thrown off a horse. You’re doing your best but suddenly, feedback brings you down to earth. It hurts! We might want to sulk, take some time and sign off for the day.
But it’s best to get back on the horse straight away, learn from the experience and continue the lesson.